Same Old Sad Song: Brown Out to Define Lie Similar to Petty Politicians

What can Brown do for SM-you? Well, Larry Brown can define what comprises "lie" while responding to NCAA charges of scholastic shenanigans in the same contrived Clintonesque way as Sick Willie or Shrillary Rotten stealing truth comparable to way they absconded White House furniture. Does anyone intellectually capable of an ACT average score at SMU of 28 believe Brown's regular rotation has an average ACT score anywhere close to 28? How gullible do you have to be to accept fairytale about an administrative aide taking it totally upon herself to do the online coursework for a regal recruit and babysit his toddler. Shazam! She must moonlight as a Disney-quality fairy who waved her magic wand to secure the player's username and password. Heaven only knows how deep the assertive lone wolf would have gone into her renegade bag of tricks to support Emmanuel Mudiay if the nation's premier prospect didn't change his mind and shun the Mustangs to play professionally overseas (China).

Amid the ethical debris nearly making Dave Bliss not seem so bad, Three-Time Busted Brown shamelessly said: "I have nothing to be ashamed of." Of course, hiring a coaching fossil such as Brown generated more national publicity than Southern Methodist basketball enjoyed collectively since 1988, which was Brown's last year as a college coach before returning to SMU in 2012-13 and the Mustangs' last year to post an NCAA playoff victory. Was seducing this program Savior worth the effort? Not when Keith Frazier, the SMU player at the center of the firestorm, probably should spend more time at table studying his books than booking sessions atop a tattoo table. Frazier, sounding similar to slew of I-know-nothing special-course players from Brown's alma mater (North Carolina), subsequently transferred to North Texas, where he promptly was arrested in connection with a tavern fight.

Even if Sir Lawrence-on-probation-a-lot didn't get new carpet in his office (remember Davidson), Next Town Brown was probably comfortable with nomadic SMU because the Mustangs were joining their third different league since the SWC disbanded in 1996. Brown guiding SMU to the NCAA playoffs last year for the first time since 1993 was the equivalent of him directing UCLA to an NCAA runner-up finish in his debut season with the Bruins in 1980. If he had won his NCAA Tournament reunion game against UCLA, it would have been the equivalent of him capturing a national title in his swan song with Kansas in 1988. Was the tourney time titillation worth the academic anemia stench?

SMU, a total of 55 games under .500 over the 24 seasons prior to Brown's arrival, vastly overpaid for an antique bench boss nearly a quarter century removed from the day-to-day college grind, a coach-in-waiting who has never had an NCAA playoff appearance in nine years and suspect recruiters hired from former powerhouses that have fallen on hard times. But an even more critical cost was in academic integrity. There was a shaky track record to worry about inasmuch as UCLA and Kansas each were on probation the season following Brown's departure. Did these facts escape a school administration, including former college hoopster Gerald Turner (President), while conducting their job search to temporarily get off the national irrelevant list?

Junior college recruit Mike Marshall, a guard from let-the-good-times-roll Louisville, was an irrelevant player for the Jayhawks in 1983-84 but someone should inquire whether he knows anything relevant about the selling of Final Four tickets in the mid-1980s. Marshall transferred to McNeese State, where he averaged 11.7 ppg in 1985-86, the year after Joe Dumars graduated from the Cowboys to begin his star-studded NBA career. Brown isn't in Kansas anymore, but his long-time detractors might be compelled to revive a petition to change the name of the state dog from Toto to Larry. Speaking of Presidents and Sunflower State Wizard of Oz jokes, it could also be time to revisit the following friends of Dorothy for some levity to get our minds off the NCAA lawlessness:

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"
Barack Obama stepped forward timidly (in his mom jeans still trying to figure out how to throw baseball): "I've come for some courage (to cope with Putin and say Islamic terrorists)."
"NO PROBLEM!" said the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"
George W. Bush stepped forward. "Well, I think I need a brain (to explain excessive spending similar to Dimocrats driving up national debt)."
"DONE!" said the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up stepped current candidates Donald Trump and Shrillary Rotten. "We've been told by the American people we need a heart (to stop ridiculing opponents and supporting baby butchers, respectively)."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" said the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is deafening silence in the Emerald City Hall. Bubba Clinton is just standing there, looking around holding a cigar, but doesn't say a word while biting his lip. Annoyed, the Wizard finally inquires, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is ... is Dorothy here (while waving to magazine cover potential with mid-length hair in the increasingly smaller crowd)?"
"NO!" said the Wizard as Chelsea steps up to introduce herself before saying: "Dad! Knock it off! That's Bruce Jenner!"

To our knowledge, the academic activist/administrative aide who fell from the sky at SMU and immediately conducted completely unsupervised scholastic subterfuge isn't named Dorothy or Caitlyn. After checking the national registry for truck drivers with standout sons/players (remember Danny Manning), Brown's first significant act with SMU was a down-and-dirty deed discarding several players at a late stage because they "weren't good enough to play for him." We're taking for granted that Brown's "good" refers to on-the-court performance rather than off-the-hardwood decorum. He apparently was more fond of trying to bring in a troubled transfer such as Josiah Turner from Arizona (before he abandoned ship for the pros during the summer) rather than retaining Jeremiah Samarrippas, who was SMU's captain as a sophomore. Perhaps Dean Smith should have treated a similar undersized guard the same shabby way when the Hall of Famer became North Carolina's head coach in 1961-62 after Brown averaged a modest 4.5 ppg as a sophomore the previous season.

Only a splendid tactician can be the lone individual ever to win NCAA and NBA titles. And Brown, who coached nearly half of the franchises in the last couple of NBA playoffs, turned things around quickly for the Mustangs primarily because the conference the school joined was a shell of its former self after Pittsburgh, Syracuse and West Virginia departed for other leagues. But isn't there something more important among institutions of lower learning than selling your soul seeking a brief glimpse of nirvana?